The Agony and the .... Agony

Ahhh, the unbearable ecstasy of job hunting.
After a few (cough, cough) weeks of this lark I have managed to draw up the average job description:

Senior Developer

n+ (try a number from the Fibonnaci sequence) years (insert C++, Java, Assembler, Visual Basic)

Extensive hands on experience with all Microsoft platforms, Unix flavours (UNICS ideally) and XP or WinCE.

Very strong to unbelievably prescient knowledge of OO design methodology.

Experience of MFC, ATL, COM, COM+, OLE, OLAP, RDBMS, MMC, HTML, DHTML, CSS, XML/XSL, IIS, ISAPI, Win APIs, SQL, ODBC, ADO, RDO, GDI API, UML and Sockets.

CASE tool experience with RUP, Booch, SSADM and FITW (finger in the wind).

Must have multithreaded embedded asynchronous relational n-tier partitioning within a scaled-out multicast federated server farm dynamic with thread safe distributed graphical template architectures and hyper transactional service orientated information processing.

Good communication skills.

Preference will be given to candidates who can show a significant contribution to the fields of Quantum Computing, Information Theory or Elliptical functions.

In short we are really looking for someone who we have already been employing for the last 5 years.

I'm going for a lie down now...